6:54 p.m. - 2009-04-12
smashcrash erase the past
i can't breathe, this love is crushing me. the lake is so fuckin beautiful, i tell you about the shades in the water, the green, the blue, the turquoise. we drink beer and we fight like crazy, again and again and again. i throw you out, i threaten the cops (baby you know i'd never do that) ... but the smirk on your fuckin face, i want to slap it off. how dare you. and dont you dare. dont fuckin disrespect me like that. stop lying and bullshitting and doing only the things you happen to feel like doing. stop ignoring the things i say. stop saying ok,ok when really you mean "i dont care". i can't take this shit. it blew up again. it blew the fuck up again. and again. and again. i can't fuckin take it. and i collapse, shaking, heart punding. you said "don't call me" "okay fine i won't". door slammed, locked. i already miss you again, i want to wrap your sweetness around me and let you suck me in. but i gotta say this is getting positively abusive. i'm the one who freaks out, but you're the one really, whose fucking with me. you're the one with these tricks and traps and you struggle and you take the power from me. you like to see me cry. you like to do exactly what i tell you not to. you are breaking me and the love is making it sweet. i can't, ohican't. you repeat my words back to me, you flip it around, you try to confuse me. i suck your dick and i take it back in my throat, my submissive pose, my true submission. i submit to you. i let you fuck me hard, and i let you in, really in. you say "relax, breathe, it's me, it's me" ... is it you? who are you? i ask you who are. you tell me you're just another guy trying to take advantage of me. you hurt me. you soothe me. you say, baby,baby. you say my name. you say i'm sweet. you say you love me, who would ever want to hurt me. you hurt me. subtley you take down my walls, you take down my defenses and then it's easy. it's so easy. i crumble, i weaken, i fall. or, i destroy it all, grabbing the last of my energy and my girlhood. i'm a woman, that's not a weakness, our differences are not my flaws. i, i demand respect, i throw you out the door. "get the fuck out of my fucking apartment! get the fuck out!" i collapse and i miss you already.