2:53 p.m. - 2009-05-01
where?
there is nothing going on inside my head, it's open windy space, the movement is meaningless, a shift, a shift, a push. a whoosh. the wind rushs in, the movement hurts. i wake up, i've dreamt about it, he was coming inthrough the car window and i said: run. run. go, just go, and what do you know. we can outrun this thing. i ca'nt breathe in this skin, in this life all tangi-fied, i can't do this thing i've been doing. the weather is warm, hot, the breeze is thick, it hits me and moves my hair with it, it's beautiful, but the thawing is slow. the desire to return to the same things is there. weed and booze but no love affairs, i'm vaccant there, there's a sickness and a knowing, an overdoing, a becoming. i walk. i used to just walk. i'd just walk away, i'd walk anywhere. i wasn't really scared. i kind of hoped i'd die but i didn't really believe i would. i didn't really believe it could be over, i wasn't scared. but then they dragged me down the stairs by my hair and now i'm scared. i'm a little scared. but the grass is probably warm close the the ground where the sun bakes it and i could lie there. maybe somehow i'll find the friends i'm looking for. reality might just shake off like a bad dream, i might still make it, i might still come up for air.