9:26 a.m. - 2009-06-08
framed
thats all i wante to know. i wanted to know ifg i could still feel something, if i could still smile or laugh or have that light shiver like wind that doesnt knock you over but hold you there. i felt it. i slept for two days straight and even then i couldn't wake up but finally i did and it was 9 am somehow and i felt it. he put me into words and the words were nice, and they were based in reality. ...the thing about cliff: well our date turned out really nice at first, i got hammered, when i went to the bathroom he paid for all my beers, we listened to music on the jukebox and it was really fun. he looked sexy. really sexy. but then i brought him over to my place and first of all i didnt tell him i was on the rag because i was too drunk to care, and we ended up fucking and the condom broke. which really sucks but i just put a new one of him because i still wanted to fuck him. but then right in the middle of it he just jumped up and said he had to go. i said he was disrespecting me and told him to show himself out. but the truth is i just didnt want to stand up, naked in the bright light of early morning, covered in menstrual blood. so i made a scene about it, and technically that was warranted but still. i like him. i texted him and i called him but i haven't heard back. and if he's really gonna be like that, it's his loss. ...i'm so busy feeling something in my heart that i can't even care, im so busy remembering something and feeling something, and i love it. i was tiredf of feeling nothing.