12:19 a.m. - 2009-07-30
possible relationship
i have a crush on baphi. we went to the bar and i felt the glitters, i was looking at him, watching his facial expressions change. he's beautiful. he's sexy. i thought it was just casual sex but maybe its going to be more. we fought about stupid bullshit and neither of us would let it go, we were really drunk. we argued and argued and finally we got over it and let it go. i didn't know why i wouldn't just let it go, or why he wouldn't, i didn't know why it bothered me so much, it was such a stupid argument: what constitutes the GTA. really stupid. but then i started thinking about it, and maybe it has to do with trust, and how i dont trust men AT ALL, and how when i start to like one i put him through the ringer, i attack him basically, show him the BITCH in me, to see if he can handle it and i try to push him away. he tells me i dont know him, he's not like other guys. and come on, i'm not that stupid right? but then, am i really that jaded? he paid for the beer, spent almost 50 bucks and then paid for a cab ride home. he ate my pussy which was really nice. i'm still having problems relaxing and opening up with sex, it is residual bullshit from my relationship with daniel. but maybe this man can make me relax, he's sweet and he really does want to please me. he sucks my tits so good. maybe i do want a man to love me, maybe i'm just scared to admit it and i dont want to settle, and maybe i dont have to settle, maybe he could be so good for me. we'll see. we'll see. he doesnt want me to see anyone else and i dont think i will. im going to give this a real chance. he's taking me to the movies this weekend. a real date. we'll see what happens.