2:01 p.m. - 2009-08-20
things i can do/things i'm good at
i wanted to write this list after i read some statistic about how, when asked what their favourite thing about themselves is, most boys named a skill and most girls listed a body part. i want grrrls to be proud of what we can DO, the active parts of ourselves, not just what we look like (something we have little control over). so i made this list to think about some things i'm proud that i can DO. you should make a list too.

- dying my own hair. my hair is my signature style. its been bright red for over four years. i get compliments and "how do you get it so bright?" all the time and i'm very proud because i do it myself, the bleaching and the dying. i have my own system. i've been dying my hair since i was thirteen so it's a skill i've mastered.
- playing guitar. i only took lessons for a couple months (i want to go back when i get money) and i'm really proud of my progress. i can sing and play at the same time. i have the persistence to keep practising even when it gets frustrating. and most of all, and what several people have said to me, i have the passion. my guitar teacher said he's seen very few people who have the drive and desire to play like i do.
- making zines. i've been publishing zines for seven years. my current zine, licking stars off ceilings, has 10 issues. my zine is one of the things i'm most proud of in my life. i have mastered the photocopier through much trial and error. i trade zines with grrrls from all over the place. i'm currently putting together the first issue of my new comp zine "i knew a motherfucker like you and she said..."
- writing. i'm a poet, a storyteller and a writer. i've "wanted to be" a writer since i was a little girl, and really, i have been a writer since i was a little girl. i love writing, i love words, the love the beautiful friction and rhythm words can create.
- sucking dick. i give amazing blowjobs. i love to do it, and when i'm in the mood the guy won't know what hit him. i give messy, sloppy blowjobs, slurping and sucking. and i deepthroat. i most especially like having my throat fucked and i can relax and not suffocate despite the difficulty breathing.
- writing essays. this is something i dont really enjoy doing and i stress about it and put it off. but i feel it belongs on the list because despite how much i procrastinate i still manage to get really good grades. i can't lie, i feel proud when i see that A.
- smoking bongs. i can take the whole fuckin thing in one hit. i have some motherfuckin lungs on me. (thanks to katryn for teaching me back in the day!)
- cooking. i am a good cook (vegetarian cooking). i love learning to new recipes and i can make up recipes on the spot based on what we have in the fridge. i can make delicious, nutritious meals. yum.
- graffiti. i use a marker to draw hole hearts (a heart with an X through it, a symbol that courtney love came up with) all over my city. i go on this toronto graffiti website and i found that a bunch of photographers have photographed my hole hearts. i love that. and i have yet to get caught by the cops. (knock on wood.)
-paddling a canoe. it has been a long time since i've done it but i know it will come back to me easily. i used to take the canoe out on the water by myself when i was eleven/twelve.
- finding the silverlining, taking lemons and making lemonaide. life has given me some pretty fucked up hands and i have played them. i am not defeated by the bad things that happen to me, i learn to integrate all parts of myself into my identity. getting psoriasis, a skin condition, and learning to love and accept it as part of me. getting beaten up and using it to fuel my writing, my zine making. using my experiences with physical and sexual violence to make connections with other grrrls and spread empowerment and honesty. i dont let the bastards grind me down.