7:03 p.m. - 2009-10-03
love-never knew what i was missing
there is slow motion going on inside me as i try to right the wrongs, the gravel's wet and my feet slip, slide down, i feel you next to me. i look into your eyes and i want to love you. i want to love you so bad. there is a ghost lying next to me, the incision is decision and it's decisive enough. i cough. there's blood. there's a knowing, a decaying and shattering of trust. me, this and must, must we? don't we? don't i want this? regret, chasing me down like a hunter, swift like a carcrash, like thunder, my limbs helterskelter on your unfurnished floor. my body belated, my baby cant save me and i am utterly unsure. the want, that's what i discovered. and it's pure enough. you'd think it would be easy. love, it seems so easy, but it's not. your eyes, the way they look at me, the dreams i put there. in us already. the magnificent relapse, the deadening. i can't escape my own fixation, my own desire for love.