1:07 p.m. - 2009-10-04
severed
it really is humiliating how fucking stupid i can be. i fell for him easily, he sweet talked me and told me everything i wanted to hear and i believed it. and i let myself be his girlfriend way too fast, because my mind was filled with delicious fantasies. addictive and infectious and i fell for it. but already he is acting like a complete jackass and there's no way i can commit to a man who gives me the run around like that. no fuckin way. and it sucks because i already believed in it, i let myself feel it, i let myself have high hopes. and now i've severed it. i can't build a relationship on a rotting foundation, he had nothing to offer me but words. and me, i'm a dumb gullible girl and i fell for it. he wasnt even a good lover, it was just that i saw the possibility of love between us. and i need that love and affection so much. i am such a "strong" girl and i have such a hard time getting the intimacy and affection i want. but i won't dick myself around like this, i won't keep thinking about him, i am cutting it right now. fuck him. fuck that. i will focus on me. forget the fantasy. wash it out. i will fuck some other guys for temporary relief. i will play my guitar. i will write my zines. i will do my fuckin school work. i won't play these fucking games that lead no where. i am ending it now.