6:32 p.m. - 2009-10-05
all the time inside and by and bye
close to me, i find myself, fast asleep, and wild in dreams, this man beside me, inside me, trying to be, trying to give each other what we need, the sex, the loving, understanding, fucking, a moment to feel high on the divide, but what do you mean? it aint you, it's me, theres ghosts in between, in between the streets, sheets and things we dont say we dont mean, just the same, you and i, we pass the days forgetting to remember the price we paid, the delay, just wanting to feel a warm body next to me, to prove to me, my vitality, recklessness, my worth, his worth, we make it work on each other, remember, bodies like a price tag, clutching a lifeless form inside a body bag, the look in his eyes, he cant tell me, i dont know, the lives losts that dont come home, the dropped, stopped, end of the line, like an image replaying all the time, its not mine, its his and i, i reprsent something else, an escape, someone to love him right now, make him feel like a gansta and i feel like a lady, a vixen, tramp, slut and reinvention, trophies, we line them up, we drink from the cup, is that enough? that you and i are trying to stay alive? we can't decide, we're out of time, i wanted to reach you, i wanted you to see but there is an ocean between us and it's too fuckin deep, i can't swim, i can't decide, i don't want to die but i want to make it to the other side, or do i? is it just a front? cuz i know i'll never understand and i'll never really be what they want. i'm just the right now, thats it, i'm the body that feels good, the adventure that makes him tick and he's my lover, baby, representative of my worth, he's the pleasure, the divider, disappointment or rebirth, i lie, like a dead girl eyes wide, staring at the sky, the goddess demands that i take my piece so i take him inside of me, trying to make it real, trying to make him feel, but he cant see who i am either, we just make enough sense to each other for the right now, the some how and the lost lives, tragedies that i dont understand and he doesn't know mine either so we dont make sense to each other but we wrap up in the warmth and we make it through the night, to feel alright, to feel good and to be good and to be bad and to lose all we had but to gain it back even better, undone and unfettered, the truth is well, cant you see? we are to each other what the sky is to the sea, complimentary but separate, looking at each other and wanting it, coming together in a storm, watch the water churn, the chaos it obliterates and we escape without a phone number.