7:01 p.m. - 2009-11-28
heartcrack
my heart held in place with tape and glue. i look at you. when i was 14, i told myself to throw myself into the fire, again and again and again. i thought i would always be able to handle the pain. pain has defined me. it's how i know who i am, what separates me, what encloses me. i thought the pain would always hurt the same, i didn't know it could be so accumulative. now each hurt echoes with a thousand others. now, i hold too tight, want too much, i go to sleep in the pain, like sleeping the snow: it's freezing and dangerous. relax, he says, relax. my heart is breaking, pieces are falling off. relax, relax. in the night, when you hold me, i am happy.